


A complicated admission

by PhilTrashNo1



Category: the foxhole court
Genre: Drabble, Fluff, How Do I Tag, M/M, basically andrew having trouble admitting he loves neil, incredibly short im sorry, just something ive thought of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-30 16:39:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10880778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhilTrashNo1/pseuds/PhilTrashNo1
Summary: A short drabble about Andrew's thoughts regarding a certain redhead





	A complicated admission

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this as a surprise for my friends - D., A. and A. Thanks for being there for me, and once again happy birthday:) 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Andrew loves Neil.

He can barely admit it to himself, let alone to that smiling goof. Especially when he feels like his whole body is brimming with it, overflowing even. He cannot bring himself to tell him, since he knows he will never be enough. What good will it make to hurt Neil with te notion, only to invariably disappoint him later on? It's not like Andrew isn't trying to show it, though. But he never says it.

He never replies to any of Neil's morning and night I love you's, but he's come to trust Neil enough, to trust himself around Neil, to have them sleep in the same bed. He never calls his boyfriend honey or darling, or anything of the sorts - he sticks to you offending fuck - but Neil gets the idea. Andrew tells himself he would never be caught dead buying pink strawberry ice cream at 3 am when Neil has trouble sleeping and requests it, yet that's exactly what he's done on more than one occasion.

He talks to Neil more than he's ever talked to anyone and he hates himself for having become so vulnerable in his presence. He's silently embracing the notion that his cold demeanor has been breached by this blue eyed boy and he's doing nothing to stop it. For once in his life, he's not thinking about the consequences. He knows, deep down, that Neil wouldn't hurt him intentionally. But that doesn't erase the possibility that he could be hurt unintentionally, and the outcome would be just the same. That fear grips tightly at his insides, gnawing inside his brain, but his hands are tied. He's long past the time when he could willingly distance himself from Neil, not like he'd want to. 

Some might think it's masochistic to set yourself up for disappointment like this, but Andrew thinks it's fine. So long as he gets to enjoy the journey there - every breathy whisper of his name, every evening spent making out while playing video games, every exy match won together - he'll consider himself lucky to have lived through it all with the ginger at his side. 

Of course, he buries all his thoughts deep inside his heart, so Neil would never know. But he also has a shadow of a doubt that Neil somehow already knows about them. 

And he's alright with that.


End file.
